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Cowboyfan Employs Fuzzy Logic

Cowboyfan Employs Fuzzy Logic


You can reach Rich Tandler by email at WarpathInsiders@comcast.net

Cowboyfan is a strange animal.

Not that your average NFL fanatic is completely rational and sane, mind you. Every fan’s football worldview is taken in through lenses tinted in his favorite team’s colors. But Cowboyfan takes it a couple of steps further. He sees things through what must be silver and blue corneal implants. The colors are so intense that they actually serve as bliders.

For example, according to Cowboyfan, 9-7 Dallas was “really” 13-3 last year. That’s because if their field goal kicker hadn’t missed a kick all year they would have turned some wins into losses. Most kickers miss kicks, of course, but when you’re playing the hypothetical game that Cowboyfan does, the Dallas kicker is supposed to nail every one of them. Usually when someone talks about “woulda, shoulda, coulda” in the Lone Star State, some Texan will sarcastically say that if a frog had wings he wouldn’t whomp his ass every time he jumped. This retort isn’t used, however, when it comes to the Cowboys’ kicker. “If’s” and “but’s” are candy and nuts in Cowboyfan’s merry little fantasyland.

I think that the inflated, conjured-up win total also includes the Thanksgiving Day game that Denver won on an overtime field goal set up by a long run by Ron Dayne. The fact that Dayne made the run, according to Cowboyfan, made the event such a fluke occurrence that it just shouldn’t have counted. Of course Cowboyfan ignores the fact that solid tackling appeared so infrequently in the Dallas secondary that it would be considered a fluke if they had managed to bring Dayne down.

And then there is this illusion that Cowboyfan has that his team has more NFL titles than the Redskins do. They both have five and, the last time I checked, five and five are equal numbers. One five is not more than the other five. But, to Cowboyfan, nothing that happened before they started calling the NFL championship game the Super Bowl counts. Such news would come as a surprise not only to Andy Farkas, Turk Edwards, and Sammy Baugh, who led the Redskins to NFL titles in 1937 and 1942, but to, say, the participants in the 1958 NFL championship game. In the view of Cowboyfan, the overtime tilt between the Giants and Colts was the Greatest Game Never Played because it took place a couple of years prior to the birth of America’s team.

Cowboyfan also like to poke fun at the string of coaches that the Redskins have brought in recently. He conveniently forgets the likes of Chan Gailey and Dave Campo. He laughs out loud at the perceived incompetence of Dan Snyder as an owner while being totally ignorant of the fact that the Redskins have won more games than Jerry Jones’ Cowboys have since Snyder bought the team. Cowboyfan talks as though his team is an NFL powerhouse. Apparently they have an odd definition of “powerhouse”, one that does not include qualifications such as, you know, actually winning a playoff game. This season will mark the 10-yard anniversary of Dallas’ last postseason victory. There’s no word on if Jones is going to commemorate the occasion with a special jersey or a Circle-of-Fame type of ceremony (yes I know that the thing at Texas Stadium isn’t called that, but I do it just because it annoys Cowboyfan so much).

Just when you think that Cowboyfan can’t come up with anything more inane and illogical than what he as concocted out of thin air in the past, he tops himself. Cowboyfan’s new curiosity is some sort of “quality of loss” thing. Basically, Cowboyfan asserts that the Cowboys are demonstrably superior to the Redskins because his team’s opening day loss was somehow “better” than Washington’s. In doing so Cowboyfan’s argument flies in the face of what his own team’s coach has said, that “you are what your record says you are.” But logic certainly never got in the way of Cowboyfan making his point loudly if not very clearly.

Cowboyfan says that since the Jaguars were a playoff team last year and the game was in Jacksonville the Cowboys loss was superior to Washington’s loss, which was to a non-playoff Vikings team at home. To listen to Cowboyfan you’d think this was college and his team was barely edged at Ohio State while the Redskins got blown out by Duke at home.

Never mind that the Jaguars laid a 24-0 run on the Cowboys. Never mind that their quarterback absolutely stunk up the entire state of Florida with his putrid play (3 INT, 45.8 QB rating). Never mind that their legendary coach Parcells cost his team a timeout with by throwing a late challenge flag on an unchallengable play. Never mind that one kicker on their roster, the one that was active, banged a 36-yard field goal attempt off of the upright while the other one, the one that was supposed to be keep the frog from whomping his ass, was back at home in Dallas.

None of that matters to Cowboyfan. In his view, all of this was an impressive show of strength by his team. The Redskins, who played inconsistently while slugging it out for 60 minutes with a Vikings team that did have a winning record despite incredible turmoil last year, demonstrated beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are mere girly-men, another minor obstacle that Cowboyfan’s team will easily brush aside on their way to demonstrating their greatness.

Perhaps someone should explain to Cowboyfan that there are no BCS points being compiled here, no pollsters to impress. You can only lose to the team you’re playing. In the NFL a loss is a loss is a loss. One seven-point loss is not better than another three-point loss, especially not when all of the teams involved had winning records last year.

On second though, never mind. Those silver and blue eyeballs will never see the light.

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Report: Redskins to interview former Raiders defensive coordinator

Report: Redskins to interview former Raiders defensive coordinator

The Redskins have set up another interview with a candidate to fill their vacant defensive coordinator position.

According to the Washington Post, Jason Tarver, the defensive coordinator of the Raiders from 2012-2014, will meet with the organization. The date of the interview is not known.

Related: Redskins offensive coordinator resume: Matt Cavanaugh

Before joining the Raiders, Tarver coached in college for five years before the 49ers hired him as a quality control coach. He worked his way up to become the outside linebackers coach, a position he held from 2005-2010. Scot McCloughan was the GM of the 49ers while Tarver was coaching there.

After a year as a defensive coordinator in the college ranks at Stanford, Tarver was hired as the Raiders’ defensive coordinator. He was a defensive assistant for the 2015 49ers and he was out of football last season.

More Redskins: The Redskins week that was

The Redskins have announced interviews with former Browns head coach Mike Pettine and ex-Jaguars coach Gus Bradley. It was reported earlier today that they also will meet with Rob Ryan, most recently the Bills’ defensive coordinator.

Stay up to date on the Redskins! Rich Tandler covers the team 365 days a year. Like his Facebook page www.Facebook.com/RealRedskins and follow him on Twitter @Rich_TandlerCSN.

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Redskins plan to interview Rob Ryan for defensive coordinator, per report

Redskins plan to interview Rob Ryan for defensive coordinator, per report

Plenty of Redskins fans wanted the team to interview Rex Ryan for defensive coordinator.

Well, a report shows they aren't talking to Rex, but instead, his brother Rob, according to Albert Breer of MMQB

Rex Ryan's track record as a defensive coordinator is very impressive.

Rob Ryan's track record as a defensive coordinator is, uh, less impressive. 

In 12 seasons as a coordinator, first in Oakland and then with Cleveland, Dallas and New Orleans, Rob Ryan has two Top 5 finishes in yards allowed. He also has finished 31st out of 32 teams in the league in yards allowed three times.

Below is a chart from Pro Football Reference showing his defensive ranks from 2004 when he became coordinator in Oakland all the way through his last job as a coordinator in New Orleans in 2015.

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The results aren't pretty.

RELATED: 2017 NFL MOCK DRAFT 1.0

It should be noted that in 2016, Rob Ryan served as assistant head coach in Buffalo on his brother Rex's staff.

That team's defense finished 19th in yards allowed. 

Gus Bradley and Mike Pettine have interviewed with the Redskins for their vacant defensive coordinator opening.

Washington is also reported to have reached out to Wade Phillips, who took the same position with the Rams, and Steve Wilks, who took the same position with the Carolina Panthers. Internally, outside linebackers coach Greg Manusky also seems to be under some consideration for the position, and a report last week linked former 49ers head coach Jim Tomsula with the Washington defense.

Want more Redskins? Check out @JPFinlayCSN for live updates or click here for the #RedskinsTalk Podcast on iTunes, here for Google Play or press play below. Don't forget to subscribe!